🌛 The Wisdom of Shadows
I don’t want to transmute shit, nor is it mine to transmute. Most of the things I feel grief and anger around are structural and societal.
By Xiaowei R. Wang
New moons and waning moons are typically seen as a time of cord cutting and release. In our very capitalistic times, even cord cutting can be used toward productive ends - let go of what does not serve you, let go of blockers. For me, letting go is a painful rite of grief, not the catharsis that will guarantee a better future. Recently, I’ve been more interested in working with the new moon as a time to do shadow work, rather than setting goals — a continuing theme throughout the next few newsletter cycles.
What is shadow work? In a world where dominant systems of white supremacy, patriarchy and capitalism create a culture of perfectionism, toxic positivity and repression instead of liberation and accountability, our shadows are neglected, stigmatized and pushed away. In places like the US where capitalism and whiteness combine, this surfaces as a deep aversion to uncomfortable feelings such as anger, rage, sadness or shame, to name a few. We are taught that these negative feelings are “bad”, and that we need to get rid of them in order to be “better” humans.
I recently felt enormous anger toward a friend, a chosen family member, and I felt anger towards myself for not having kinder thoughts about them after a fairly difficult situation. I thought a lot about queer community, chosen family and ways that I replicate unhealthy patterns from my biological family. I also thought — how am I going to do the work of structural change when I can’t even care and love on my chosen family?
I felt powerless to do anything about this relationship. Yet I realized my shadow was saying that my anger was from being hurt by them, and after expressing my hurt to them, I realized: I do have power. My words shifted our friendship. Through our conversation, we both changed.
One of my favorite books is In Praise of Shadows by Junichiro Tanizaki, who disrupts the idea that shadows are negative. I used to think of yin and yang as the balance between light and dark. But as I’ve grown older, I’ve realized it’s much more complex than that — the two binaries exist to remind us that living comes from the wealth of shadows and light in between.
Even in new age, metaphysical or healing circles we have a tendency to ignore the shadow. We are promised that if we just go on enough retreats, buy enough candles or crystals, that we’ll only feel the positive feelings in our lives with no negative vibes, that our grief and anger will be transmuted. I don’t want to transmute shit, nor is it mine to transmute. Most of the things I feel grief and anger around are structural and societal.
Shadow work is difficult. We live in a world where systems of oppression try to get us to neglect our shadows, so that we become paper thin and one dimensional, forgetting our power so that we turn into shadows ourselves. So that we forget the ways anger and grief can provide the fire to change systems, as Lama Rod Owens reminds us in his book Love and Rage. When we turn into shadows, we are unable to reckon with the power we do have. There is nothing wrong or bad with feelings of grief and anger. Without articulating these feelings and pausing, we risk hurting and harming ourselves and loved ones.
We all have a shadow, and I am still learning to love my shadow. It’s how I know I am a real, living, three-dimensional human being and not a 2D instagram post of “love and light”. My shadow imparts great wisdom — where do I feel hurt? Where does it come from? What fear do I have? How close is the edge of fear to the thrill of change? How does my anger and grief, directed towards systems rather than individuals fuel my inner fire?
To learn more about shadow selves and shadow work, I recommend starting with this article from Kimberly Fosu to understand more about what shadow self is. As she writes, “When we deny an aspect of ourselves it doesn’t disappear. It just fades away from our conscious awareness. The shadow — with a life of its own — can affect our actions and life experiences heavily if we don’t pay attention to it.”
For now, this waxing moon is a good time to start with awareness — identifying what’s going on in your shadow. Where you feel powerless. Where you feel powerful.
🎙️ Listen to the Five and Nine Podcast
Subscribe now to get our podcast, which comes out with the Full Moon 🌝 (April 18). As a podcast newsletter, Five and Nine brings the conversation to text and sound. All podcasts are fully transcribed to encourage accessibility.
Listen to Podcast 002: A Meditation for the Suit of Cups.
Listen to a preview of Podcast 003, with a reflection on intuition and anxiety:
🗓️ Download Our 2022 Lunar Calendar
Ready to reflect by the moon? We’re pleased to share a lunar calendar for 2022, free for use as you plan out your year, designed by Five and Nine Creative Director Xiaowei R. Wang. Print it out, keep it handy on your desktop, or just use it as a reference tool.
Five and Nine is a podcast newsletter at the intersection of magic, work and economic justice. We publish “moonthly” — a newsletter every new moon and half moon 🌛 🌚 🌜 and podcasts on full moons 🌝 — , and we provide an ongoing critical discussion through readings, reflections and debate. In this new world, we’re all rethinking the meaning of work and justice in our lives. Our lives and livelihoods are more essential than ever in identifying ways forward for society that can be grounded in care, compassion and sustainability.
During our pilot period, every issue of Five and Nine is free, and after the pilot, we’ll publish more regularly, with paid and free options. Learn more about us here.
Directors of Magic. Dorothy R. Santos and Xiaowei R. Wang
Creative Director. Xiaowei R. Wang
Producer. Ana Mina (aka An Xiao)
Subscribe now to get our podcast, which comes out with the Full Moon 🌝 (April 18). As a podcast newsletter, Five and Nine brings the conversation to text and sound. All podcasts are fully transcribed to encourage accessibility.